


Hufflefish

by yodasyoyo



Series: 1008 tumblr followers! A.K.A. The Fluffy Assholes Collection. [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pining Stiles Stilinski, Vernon Boyd & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, drunk!Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 16:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15933914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yodasyoyo/pseuds/yodasyoyo
Summary: “He’s soooooooooo-- ohhhhhhh, look! Is that an owl? Is that a fucking owl?” Stiles lets go of Boyd and stumbles blearily after the bird that’s just fluttered onto the ground nearby. “I’ve never seen an owl in real life before. Maybe it’s got my Hogwar’s letter.” He trips over a crack in the sidewalk and almost goes flying.A firm hand grips his shoulder, keeping him upright. “It’s a pigeon.”





	Hufflefish

**Author's Note:**

> Posted to tumblr for my ficlet-athon celebrating reaching 1008 followers! Posted here because it's the only place I can keep track of my damn fic, lol.
> 
> Written for the prompt "Drunk!Stiles talking with/about Derek."
> 
> I elected to have him talking to Boyd about Derek, because Boyd is probably the most underused character in this goddamn fandom.

It’s only six o’clock in the evening, but Stiles is already drunk. He’s been celebrating getting his PhD since 3pm, and he never could hold his alcohol worth a damn. “Here’s the thing, here’s the thing, here’s the--oof...” Stiles legs buckle under him a little and he clutches on tighter to Boyd’s shoulder.

“The thing?” Boyd says.

“Yes!” Stiles waves a finger in the air. “‘Xactly,” he slurs, “You get it. You--” He trails off, blinking owlishly, head swimming. It’s possible the tequila was a mistake.

Boyd rolls his eyes. “Pretty sure you’d have to finish the sentence for me to ‘get it,’” he says.

“Der’k,” Stiles says, trying to stand straighter and failing miserably. 

Puffing out his cheeks, Boyd blows out a long suffering sigh. “What about Derek?”

“He’s soooooooooo-- ohhhhhhh, look! Is that an owl? Is that a fucking owl?” Stiles lets go of Boyd and stumbles blearily after the bird that’s just fluttered onto the ground nearby. “I’ve never seen an owl in real life before. Maybe it’s got my Hogwar’s letter.” He trips over a crack in the sidewalk and almost goes flying.

A firm hand grips his shoulder, keeping him upright. “It’s a pigeon.” Boyd says firmly, turning him back around and looping an arm around him to steady him.

“Are’ya sure?”

“Pretty damn sure.”

“Well maybe Hogwarts sen’ pigeons now. Owl’s are prob’bly expensive. Pigeons are like--” he waves a hand airily, and nearly hits Boyd in the nose. “Y’know downsized. On a budget. Hadda make cutbacks.”

“The economy is in the toilet.”

Stiles looks up at him suspiciously, not sure about his tone. “You’re humorin’ me ‘cos I’m drunk.”

Boyd meets his gaze steadily, expression impassive. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Hmmmm.” Stiles blinks at him. “What Hogwarts house do you think Der’k would be in?” 

Boyd stares back, saying nothing.

“Because,” Stiles continues, “When I firs’ met him I thought Slip-- Sith--Slitherfin? The snakey one. Because he was all grrrr, an' power. Ambishon. Alpha. Y’know? Y’know?” He jabs Boyd with a boney elbow and tries to wink, but ends up closing both of his eyes instead. He sways a little unsteadily, everything feels extra spinny.

When he opens them again, Boyd is staring at him, one eyebrow raised.

“Bu’ now I’m like--like Der’k’s kinda brave y’know an’ also kinda loyal. An’ like-- secretly kind. An’ his eyes are pretty.”

Boyd inhales deeply through his nose. “So?”

“So I can’t decide.” He clutches on to Boyd’s shirt and stares up at him wildeyed. “Wha’ house? You gotta help me decide!”

“Maybe he’s a hatstall.”

Stiles sniffs. “Not gonna lie, B, it’s kind of a giant turn on tha' y’even know wha’ that means.”

Boyd grins then, just showing a little bit of fang. “Call me ‘B’ again and I’ll rip your spine out and force feed it to you.”

Stiles snickers. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he slurs in between choked off laughter. “God my fear responses are so fucked. So so so fucked. I blame Der’k.” Everything is Derek’s fault really. He’s so amazing. God, Stiles misses him. 

“C’mon,” Boyd says, herding him along. “Let’s get you home.”

But Stiles has other plans. “No!” he says, trying to wriggle out of Boyd’s iron grasp and mostly failing. “No, we hav’ to go an’ fin’ Der’k.”

“Why?”

“Becauseeeee--” Stiles whines. “I have to tell him his eyes are pretty. An’ that he’s a hufflefish. Or a gryffinroar. He has to know, B--” he checks himself. “Boyd.”

“He really doesn’t--”

“An’, an’ I love him. I love him and I really wanna kiss him so bad,” Stiles says, feeling suddenly, unaccountably sad. He’s never been to Hogwarts. He’s never kissed Derek. These are terrible injustices that he needs to rectify. “He has to know that I love him. I don’ think he knows tha’ yet.”

Boyd stops. Looks at him. Sighs, exasperated. “It might mean more if you say that to him sober.”

Stiles takes a deep breath through his nose, and tries to unscramble his thoughts. His stomach feels icky, like that one time he went sailing. “You’re righ’” he says, blinking. “Sober. You’re righ’.”

“I know.”

Boyd’s the best. Definitely Stiles' favorite of all Derek’s puppies. “You’re the best,” Stiles says. “You’re my favorite puppy.”

“Thanks,” Boyd says drily. “That means a lot.”

Stiles grins up at him. Then lurches forward and vomits all over his shoes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who leaves kudos or comments. It's really appreciated. 
> 
> Come join me on [tumblr!](http://yodas-yo-yo.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Edited to add a disclaimer about the title of this series: 
> 
> When I say fluffy assholes, I don't mean buttholes covered in lint. I mean that these fics are fluffy and the characters are assholes. I feel this needs to be stated. For the record, my tumblr followers are all awesome, and to my knowledge, in no way assholes, fluffy or otherwise.


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